Why Putting a “Gun-Free Zone” Sign on your Lawn is a Bad Idea

gunfreezoneFrom: tuckermanroger@gmail.com
To: info@mydoorsign.com
Subject: Refund Request for “Gun-Free Zone” Signs

Attention: Customer Service

I ordered three signs from you, and I am very unhappy with your product. The signs say, “Notice: Gun Free Zone.” They are aluminum, size 10 x 14 inches. I put one on my front lawn, one in my bedroom window, and another on the back door of my house. These signs did not work as your website said they would!

The first week I had no problems. But on Friday March 3, I woke up at midnight and could hear breaking glass! I went downstairs and there were two masked men with guns in my living room. I was so scared I literally crapped my pants. I couldn’t call 911 because my cell phone was in the living room, so I went back upstairs and cleaned myself in the bathroom. When the two masked men left, my television, computer, Blu-ray player, and cell phone were gone, and my kitchen window was smashed!

Your website totally deceived me. Your homepage says, “Door signs give instructions, tell you what to expect next, keep untrained people out.” I thought that your signs would keep burglars out of my house. Well, either the burglars can’t read, or they read them and disobeyed the instructions. And now I have to pay a $1,000 deductible on my insurance claim!

I want a 100% refund. I paid $17.99 per sign, and I want you to pay the cost of shipping them back.

I will never buy this product again, and I’m going to tell all my friends that putting a “gun free zone” on your front lawn is a very bad idea. I will also be posting a negative customer review. I hope that won’t affect your decision in giving me a refund.

Yours truly,

Roger Tuckerman

I would like to send you a free eBook of three short stories!


My Kindle eBook is FREE on April 1

bookOn April 1st, my Kindle eBook, The Donkey King and Other Stories, is available for free on any Amazon website!

If you love fables, fairy tales, and folk tales, you will enjoy this collection of 13 short stories.

Most are funny. Some are serious. But they all have a deeper meaning for the reader to discover.

The Power of Female Beauty: Cinderella (2015)

cinderella_ver2Kenneth Branagh’s Cinderella (2015) reveals what makes a woman truly beautiful. Cinderella (Lily James) is not only physically beautiful, but she also has a beautiful character and personality that set her apart from all her peers. This is manifested in nine virtues: love, kindness, courage, selflessness, contentment, diligence, generosity, humility, and the ability to forgive. An important theme in the film is how people respond to beauty: While the prince (Richard Madden) is swept away by Cinderella, the stepmother and her daughters are repelled by her.

Cinderella is a paragon of virtue. These virtues were instilled in her by her mother (Hayley Atwell) who taught her: “Have courage and be kind.” As an orphan, Cinderella shows love and kindness to her stepmother (Cate Blanchett) who constantly mistreats her, and her courage is seen in her positive attitude after the death of her parents. Cinderella is selfless, offering her bedroom to her sisters, and finds contentment living alone in the attic. Her diligence is seen in the household chores she does in obedience to her stepmother, while her stepsisters, Anastasia (Holliday Grainger) and Drisella (Sophie McShera), are both idle. Cinderella is generous, sharing her scraps of food with the mice, and giving an old woman (Helena Bonham Carter) something to drink. Cinderella is humble, never presuming that the prince would choose her to be his bride. Finally, despite being wronged by her stepmother in countless ways, she forgives her. These nine virtues make Cinderella more beautiful than any woman in the film. If she did not have physical beauty, she would still be beautiful, for she has a beautiful character and personality.

Cinderella’s beauty is a force that either attracts or repels people. The prince falls in love at first sight with her, drawn at first to her physical appearance, but ultimately by who she is as a person. In contrast, the stepmother and her daughters have no love for Cinderella at all. For the stepmother, Cinderella is a reminder of the husband that she lost, and a threat to her ambition to have Anastasia or Drisella marry the Prince. More importantly, the stepmother and her daughters are repelled by Cinderella because they do not possess her many virtues. Everything that she is, they are not. They are unloving, unkind, selfish, greedy, and lazy. Because they do not love virtue, they do not love Cinderella. Her beautiful character shines a light on the ugliness that is in their hearts.

Cinderella demonstrates the power of female beauty. A woman with physical beauty is a wonder to behold, but a woman with a beautiful character possesses a greater beauty. As women (and men) grow old, their physical beauty usually diminishes. However, when Cinderella grows old, she will still be beautiful, for she is beautiful within. Her beauty will last a lifetime.

I would like to send you a free eBook of three short stories!

Three Reasons Why I Love Getting the Flu

flu symptoms

From: tuckermanroger@gmail.com
To: editor@kamloopsthisweek.com
Subject: Letter to the Editor

Dear Editor,

I love getting the flu! When I’m coughing, groaning, or hurling, I’m thankful for the days when I felt great.

Getting the flu is a blessing in disguise because I work for the government and receive sick pay. I lay on the couch (at the taxpayer’s expense) and watch Netflix all day!

A third reason I love getting the flu is I always have a religious experience. Nothing makes me cry out to God more than when I feel like Hell!

If you’re like me, and want to be infected with the flu virus, I would like to share a helpful tip: Shake as many hands as possible! When I meet people in nightclubs, churches, and elevators I always reach out and shake their hand. My odds of getting the flu greatly increases, especially if they didn’t wash their hands!

A 2015 survey of 100,000 Europeans found that 40 per cent of women and 62 per cent of men don’t wash their hands after going to the bathroom. This means that if you shake the hand of someone who is infected with a flu virus, the odds are 50-50 you will get it too!

However, if you’re not like me, and don’t want to get the flu, then you shouldn’t shake anyone’s hand. Instead, if someone extends their hand to you, clench your fist, and give them a fist bump. A recent study found that a fist bump is 20 times more hygienic than a handshake.


Roger Tuckerman

I would like to send you a free eBook of three short stories!