Many years ago, in a forest in British Columbia, a Sasquatch lived alone in a cave. He was nine feet tall, covered from head to toe with long black hair, and because he ate too many berries, he weighed 500 pounds.
To try and lose weight, the Sasquatch stomped through the forest all day, and the more he stomped, the more paths he made.
The rabbits often left their droppings on the paths, and this made the Sasquatch mad. When he wasn’t looking, he would stomp on the droppings, and they got stuck in his hairy feet.
One morning, the Sasquatch was stomping through the forest when he saw a rabbit about to poop on the path. He stretched out his hand and yelled, “Stop! Don’t do that!”
“What’s your problem?!” the rabbit answered angrily. “I’m doing my business.”
The Sasquatch frowned. “You rabbits always poop on my paths. When I go to sleep at night, my feet stink.”
The rabbit turned up his nose. “You don’t own this forest. I can poop anywhere I want to.”
“Why can’t you do it under a tree?”
“Because when I gotta go, I go,” the rabbit said with sass. “And I gotta go right now!”
The Sasquatch stomped closer to the rabbit and pointed his finger. “Go poop behind that tree, you inconsiderate animal!”
“This is no longer a safe space for me,” the rabbit said assertively. “Please step back.”
The Sasquatch, realizing that he had been rude, immediately stepped back. Then the rabbit pooped on the path, and hopped away.
After his conflict with the rabbit, the Sasquatch felt stressed, and he needed a drink. So he left the path, and took another path that led to a stream. But when he reached the end, the stream was gone. It was now a beaver pond.
Seeing a beaver working on a new dam, he stomped across the dam to speak to him. He decided to take a more friendly approach.
“Hello there,” the Sasquatch said with smile.
The beaver had a scowl on his face. “What do you want?”
“I was here yesterday, and this was a stream with fresh water.”
“It was,” the beaver said, returning to his work. “But not anymore.” He packed mud on the dam and laid down more branches.
The Sasquatch took a deep breath, and tried to stay calm. “This creates a problem for me. When you build a dam, the water becomes stale, and I can’t drink it.”
“That’s your problem, not mine,” the beaver said. Then he slapped his tail in the mud, and it splattered on the Sasquatch’s chest. “Go further downstream. You can drink all the fresh water you want.”
“But that’s a long way from my cave,” the Sasquatch said, wiping the mud from his hairy chest. He decided to be firm and direct: “The truth is—you’re destroying the environment. You started with one dam, and now you have 13. You’re a greedy animal.”
The beaver exploded with anger. “Greedy?! I live in poverty in a mud house, and I freeze my tail off every winter! But you’re rich compared to me. You have a cave, and a fire to keep you warm at night.”
“Just because I have a nice cave doesn’t give you the right to flood miles and miles of the stream.”
“And you have no right to make endless trails that zigzag everywhere. You know what you are?”
“What?” the Sasquatch wondered.
“A hypocrite!” Then the beaver slapped his tail several times in the water, and got the Sasquatch all wet.
The Sasquatch was so angry, he wanted to grab the beaver by the throat and strangle him. But he decided it would be better if he went back to his cave and meditated. Meditation helped him control his angry thoughts and violent impulses.
So he went back to his cave, pressed his palms together, crossed his legs, and meditated. Then he fell into a deep sleep.
At midnight, the Sasquatch woke up to a loud noise. The wolves were having a party, and when wolves are having a good time, they howl.
“Not again!” the Sasquatch yelled. “I can’t take this anymore!”
He came out of his cave, and stomped through the forest until he found the pack of wolves. They were howling and eating fresh meat.
“Shut up!” the Sasquatch shouted. “Shut your big mouths!”
“What’s wrong with you?” the leader of the pack asked.
“You howl every single night and wake me up!”
The wolf grinned. “Some animals sleep in the day, and some sleep at night.” Then he turned to the wolf pack. “We were made for the night, weren’t we, boys?”
The wolf pack howled in agreement.
The Sasquatch paused, took a deep breath, and said, “You need to be considerate of animals who sleep at night.”
“And you need to be considerate of animals who sleep in the day,” the wolf replied. “You often wake us up when you go stomping through the forest.”
The Sasquatch scoffed. “That’s ridiculous! I’m not that loud.”
“We can hear you from six miles away,” the wolf said. “Our ears are highly sensitive to noise.”
This conversation is going nowhere, the Sasquatch thought to himself. So he said to the wolf, “If you don’t stop howling, I’ll, I’ll…” And he tried to think what he might do.
The leader of the pack said, “Are you threatening us?” He turned to the wolf pack. “He’s threatening us, boys.”
The Sasquatch stomped up and down with both feet. “If you don’t stop howling, I’ll stomp up and down like this when you’re sleeping.” The Sasquatch had huge feet, the size of snowshoes.
One of the wolves shouted, “He’s going to stomp up and down on us, and murder us when we’re asleep! He’s planning a massacre.”
“You lying animal!” the Sasquatch yelled, pointing his finger. “I never said that.”
Another wolf hollered, “He’s a monster!”
The Sasquatch was so mad, he roared, a roar so loud that all the wolves became quiet and lowered their tails in fear. Some of the wolves were trembling.
Realizing that he had lost control, the Sasquatch turned and stomped back to his cave. He sat down and tried to meditate, but he couldn’t. He was too upset. But the wolves were no longer howling, so he went to sleep.
The next day, the Sasquatch woke up at noon, and came out of his cave. He was surprised to see dozens of rabbits and beavers, and the pack of wolves waiting for him.
“Did you come to apologize to me?” he asked them.
The rabbit that pooped on the path said, “We don’t want you in our forest anymore.”
“What?” the Sasquatch replied, taken aback. “Why?”
“Because you hate us,” the beaver from the dam said.
“I don’t hate you. You animals just do things that make me mad.”
“We think it’s best for everyone if you leave,” the leader of the wolf pack declared.
“No!” the Sasquatch said, raising his voice. “I have just as much right to live here as the rest of you.”
“No one has the right to hate other animals,” the beaver said.
“Hate leads to violence against innocent rabbits,” the rabbit said, and the other rabbits nodded their heads in agreement.
The Sasquatch shook his head. “I never said I hated you! All I did was speak my mind. And everything I said was true.”
“You insulted us, and hurt our feelings,” the rabbit cried. “You’re offensive!” Then all the rabbits chomped their teeth at the Sasquatch.
The Sasquatch took a deep breath and sighed. “I know I can be blunt sometimes, but you’re not nice to me either.”
“You don’t belong here,” the beaver declared. “You’re not even an animal. You’re a man-animal.” Then all the beavers chomped their teeth at the Sasquatch.
The Sasquatch crossed his arms and stomped one foot on the ground. “I’m not leaving!”
The wolf walked up to the Sasquatch, stared at him for a long moment, and then he said, “If you won’t leave voluntarily, we will use force.”
The Sasquatch looked at all the animals. “Your actions are more offensive than my words. It’s not fair to banish me.”
The wolves started growling and howling, and they formed a circle around the Sasquatch. And so, fearing the wolves might make fresh meat out of him, he gathered his things from his cave, and left the forest.
And to this day, the Sasquatch is rarely seen or heard by anyone.