Subject: How to Fix Daylight Savings Time
Dear Premier John Horgan,
Daylight savings time isn’t working for the people of British Columbia. However, I know how to fix it! Instead of moving clocks forward an hour in March, and an hour back in October, simply adjust the time by 24 hours!
Moving clocks 24 hours ahead in March would cause spring to appear earlier, reducing people’s depression from the long Canadian winters. Similarly, moving clocks back 24 hours in October would delay the arrival of winter, making it easier on people’s physical health.
What’s more, this will help reduce the Canadian doctor shortage! When people are healthier, they go to the doctor less often, and doctors will take on more patients. I’m one of five million Canadians who have no doctor, and I really need one!
In addition to making people physically and mentally unwell, daylight savings time increases the number of traffic accidents. Case in point: On Monday March 12, I was speeding to get to work because I overslept, and I smashed into a garbage truck. I totally destroyed my scooter!
A final reason to change daylight savings time is to reduce unemployment. When clocks leap forward an hour, I’m late for work every day for two weeks. Unfortunately, I haven’t found an employer yet who will put up with this, and I always get fired!
If you like my proposal to fix daylight savings time, would you be willing to credit me publicly? The notoriety will improve my employment chances. Sadly, it’s that time of year again when I’m looking for a new job.