Subject: Ban Homework NOW!
My son Randolph is in grade ten, and I’m upset at how much homework you’ve been giving him. Studying for tests is taking a toll on his physical and mental health. I think he’s on the verge of a nervous breakdown!
The reality is, my son has no time for homework. Like most millennials his age, he spends three hours a day on his cell phone and four hours a day watching Netflix. How is he supposed to do two hours a day of homework? It’s impossible! Do the math!
Studying for tests is so stressful for my boy that he often becomes hysterical and eats three bags of potato chips, two plates of French fries and a baked potato to calm himself down. Due to his extreme potato diet, he weighs 200 pounds despite being only five-foot two.
Worse still, no girls at your school will date him because he’s too fat. His ass is so big I had to special order jeans from Chubster. If he didn’t have to do so much homework, he could lose 50 pounds by going to hot yoga!
What’s the point of homework anyway? Randolph’s career goal is to be a taxi driver. Do you really think studying for a test is going to prepare him to get a class four driver’s license! I don’t think so!
Going to high school should be a no-stress experience: Just show up, sit down and listen! Students don’t need to “prove” they’ve learned anything. What’s the point of spending hours trying to memorize “useless” academic knowledge? All it proves is you can remember stuff, which years later, you will totally forget!
I’m asking that you ban homework immediately! If you don’t, I will have no choice but to transfer Randolph to school in Sweden that has banned all tests. If a student never gets a bad grade, it’s very good for their self-esteem!